Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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