I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
