Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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