Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
