I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
