Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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