his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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