So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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