they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
