escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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