1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
well you can't waste a boner
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
