Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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