Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
