we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
