so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
