Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
