I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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