I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
