Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
