My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
