he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
