you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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