Someone shit on the floor
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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