Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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