I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
