nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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