I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
