We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He shit in the fireplace
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
