so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
