did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
