You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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