YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
