there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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