If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
