I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
