Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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