u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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