I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
