I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
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The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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