You just made me feel so damn special
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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