Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
