Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
