My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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