Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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