I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
