If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
