we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
