I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
