If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
