Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
