I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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