girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
