i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
