you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
