I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't think brook has ever known best
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
