Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
