3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
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Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.