I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
