all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
