My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
