I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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