I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
