Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
