Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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