I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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