Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
