strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
