i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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