im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize