I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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