He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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