She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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