Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
