i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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