Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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