chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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