I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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