apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize