I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
