Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
