fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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