I'm passing your future prison.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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