you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
